The other day I found my old diaries which included all the measurement charts of my body shape when I discovered my addiction to the gym.
Being healthy for me was not about ‘being healthy’. It was about being thinner because I moved in worlds where size 10 was best and I wasn’t. I still move in those worlds to a certain degree and whilst most of my body dysmorphia was linked to bad relationships caning it at the gym never changed anything.
Intense exercise, losing myself in whatever was playing on the tannoy, seeing how long I could go on the treadmill before my chest hurt and I couldn’t go on any longer, did not make me happier or improve my outlook. It was escapism. It was a focus that wasn’t the answer to any of my problems at that time.
In the same way that it’s now the…
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